What I Am, And What I Might Be
by remuslives23
Summary: When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.- Lao Tzu


**Title:** What I Am, and What I Might Be  
**Author:** **remuslives23**  
**Rating:** light R  
**Pairing/Characters:** Jack/Ianto  
**Word Count:** 2250  
**Summary:** When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.- Lao Tzu  
**Notes:** Written for Day 10 of **mmom**. Set before 'They Keep Killing Suzie'.  
**Contains:** gun range frottage.  
**Episode References:** Brief mentions of events in 'Cyberwoman', 'Small Worlds', 'Countrycide', and 'Greeks Bearing Gifts'.  
**Disclaimer:** This fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by Russell T Davies. No money is being made and no offense is intended. Characters are of legal age for sexual situations.

* * *

Ianto tried not to tense, forcing himself to take even breaths, the sound of every deliberate inhale and exhale loud in the long, cavernous tunnel of the gun range. He could feel Jack's body shifting against his own - chest pressed to his back, hips slotted against his arse, hands resting on his biceps - as he corrected Ianto's posture.

'That's better. Now, look down your arm to sight the target,' Jack murmured, his voice thin and tinny in Ianto's ear and breath hot on his neck as his hand slid slowly down Ianto's raised arm. He wrapped long, thick fingers - slightly calloused, the grating rub send a surge of blood right to Ianto's cock - around Ianto's wrist and lifted his arm slightly. 'That's it. Have you got it?'

'Uh, yeah,' Ianto mumbled, squinting down the length of his arm and focusing on the chest of the Weevil-shaped target at the other end of the range. 'Got it.'

Jack slid his hand beneath Ianto's wrist, steadying his aim, and his other hand lowered to cup Ianto's hip. 'Take a deep breath then, as you let it out, gently squeeze the trigger.'

Ianto did as he was instructed, breathing in through his nose then slowly releasing it, applying pressure to the trigger as the breath passed between his lips. The crack of discharge made him wince, even blunted by the earphones as it was, and the recoil jolted up his arm.

'Again,' Jack said, and Ianto pulled the trigger again. And again. And again. Finally, the firing pin clicked on an empty chamber and Ianto lowered his arm.

'Good,' Jack said, fingertips pressing briefly into the hollow where thigh met hip, making Ianto's dick twitch, before he removed his hand. 'Let's take a look.'

He moved away, and Ianto's knees wobbled dangerously. He whipped off his ear protectors and walked with deliberately careful steps towards the table that held part of Torchwood's arsenal. Ianto put the gun aside for cleaning, taking a moment to regain the equilibrium Jack's proximity had knocked off centre.

'Not bad,' Jack said as he approached, earmuffs hanging around his neck and torn up paper target in hand. 'You hit your target for the most part. A couple of the last shots went wide. You're still tensing up too much and that's fatiguing you too quickly.'

'I hate using guns,' Ianto grumbled, and Jack smiled sympathetically.

'I know,' he said. 'But you need to know how to use them properly. Even when you're frightened. Knowledge is power, Ianto. Not all threats come from outside the Hub and you need to know how to protect yourself.'

Ianto tried not to flinch at the reminder of how one such threat had found its way into the Hub, and Jack seemed to have the same thought, his eyes widening slightly in regret.

'So, should I try one of the other weapons?' Ianto said hurriedly when it looked like Jack might try and offer reassurance. He didn't deserve the forgiveness he'd somehow been granted, and he'd done even less to earn comfort. He was managing to hold himself together after Lisa, and the fairies, and the cannibals, and mind reading aliens threatening the best friend he had in the Hub, but if Jack reached out a hand in empathy, he might just shatter.

Jack hesitated, looking as if he might ignore Ianto's attempt at diversion, then he sighed softly and nodded. 'Grab one of the larger calibre,' he said, clamping the earmuffs over his ears once again.

Ianto did, hefting the weapon and following Jack back to their previous position. He shifted the gun in his hand, trying to get a comfortable grip. 'It's heavier than the other one,' he said then, realising Jack couldn't hear him, he tugged his ear protectors up over his ears and repeated himself.

Jack nodded. 'We don't use these very often right now,' he said, taking the gun away from Ianto and quickly demonstrating how to take off the safety and check the chamber of the unfamiliar weapon. 'The girls' hands are too small...' He grinned. 'And so are Owen's, although don't tell him I said so.'

Ianto smiled and nodded. 'Your secret is safe with me.'

Jack shut the chamber with a snap and handed the gun back to Ianto. 'You and I, though,' he said, putting his hands on Ianto's shoulders and turning him to face the targets, 'have larger hands and are able to handle the butt more securely.'

Ianto tried to bite back a smirk at Jack's wording and the accompanying leer, but the other man's low chuckle told him he'd failed. 'I saw that Ianto Jones,' Jack murmured, stepping into Ianto's personal space. 'You have a dirty mind.'

'I don't have a clue as to what you're referring, sir,' he said primly, and Jack laughed again. This time, Ianto felt as well as heard the laugh as it vibrated over his senses. He closed his eyes as heat suffused his skin then took a calming breath. 'Shall we get on with it?'

He lifted the gun, adjusting his posture and positioning as Jack had shown him – and in such a hands on manner - earlier. 'Widen your stance,' Jack suggested, slipping a leg between Ianto's knees and nudging his legs apart. 'More powerful gun, bigger recoil. Don't tense up or it'll hurt you.'

Ianto gave him a nod of acknowledgement, noting that Jack's leg didn't move once Ianto's stance had been corrected. Jack pressed himself against Ianto's back, their heads touching as Jack peered down Ianto's arm to check his sight line.

'Okay,' he said finally, his hand finding the still-tingling spot on Ianto's hip where it had rested previously. 'When you're ready, Mr Jones.'

Ianto fired and, despite Jack's warning, the strength of the recoil startled him. His arm jerked and his shot went well wide of the target.

'Bollocks,' he muttered, swapping the gun to his left hand and shaking out his buzzing right.

'Told you,' Jack said lightly as he shifted impossibly closer. Their bodies were touching now from shoulder to toe, and Ianto felt the blood rush to his lower body. 'Try again.

Ianto lined his target up again then jumped when Jack's hand on his hip slid around him to splay across his stomach. 'Breathe, Ianto,' he whispered, the sound of his voice dripping down Ianto's spine like hot, thick molasses. He couldn't stop himself from shivering in response.

Jack adjusted his stance minutely, and suddenly, Ianto became acutely aware of Jack's own interest in proceedings. He fought the urge to push his hips back against that hard bulge, tensing with the effort.

'Concentrate, Ianto,' Jack said quietly. 'All kinds of distractions in the field. You need to be able to ignore them.'

The wash of Jack's breath against his cheek made Ianto's gun hand tremble and he pulled the trigger prematurely. The shot went wild, ricocheting off the wall and embedding itself in a wooden beam. Ianto released a shuddering breath, annoyed with himself and unspeakably turned on. He could feel the rise and fall of Jack's chest and was pleased to note that it was faster than before.

'Once more,' Jack said, resting his chin on Ianto's shoulder as he ran his hand down Ianto's arm. He closed his fingers around Ianto's on the gun, helping him hold it steady then, as Ianto fired one last shot, the hand on Ianto's stomach slid down to cup his cock.

It was too much.

Ianto groaned in supplication and let his arm fall, Jack's going with it. Jack turned his face, nuzzling into Ianto's neck as he flicked the safety on the gun and tossed it aside.

'Ianto,' he moaned, dropping a trail of light kisses along the straining tendon in Ianto's neck, tearing the ear protectors off then shucking his own. 'You sure you want this?'

Ianto reached behind him, hooking his arm around Jack and pulling him closer as he thrust back against Jack's erection. It had been so long and it felt like he'd wanted Jack forever and maybe it really was time to let go of Lisa, of his past, of who he used to be, and embrace something – someone – new, discover who he could be.

'Yes,' he hissed, letting his head drop back on Jack's shoulder as he rocked his hips first into Jack's firm grip then back to grind his arse into Jack's cock. His other hand found its way to his crotch, slipping over Jack's to encourage him to squeeze and massage and stroke him through his trousers.

Jack groaned and his mouth latched onto Ianto's neck, sucking and lapping at the pale skin there as he rutted against Ianto's buttocks. 'You've been driving me crazy,' he rasped into Ianto's ear. 'Christ, Ianto, you have no idea how long...'

His voice broke off and fingers pinched at Ianto's nipple, rolling it until it was peaked and pushing impatiently at the cotton of Ianto's shirt. Ianto tilted his head and nipped at Jack's jaw as Jack palmed his cock, rotating his hips in tight circles until Jack swore and kissed him. The angle was awkward and the kiss was filthy and wet and messy and so perfectly _them _that it tipped Ianto right over the edge.

He cried out, hips bucking frenetically as he lost control, his body shuddering through the intense climax. Jack' s arms were like bands of steel around him, holding him up as his bones melted and thrusting once, twice more against his arse before he muffled a shout in Ianto's hair, hips juddering in short, sharp jerks.

Jack buried his face in the crook of Ianto's neck and Ianto trembled at the sensation of his warm lips on his skin, tingling nerve endings sparking, and he realised then and there that he would never, ever be able to get enough of this man.

The thought was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

'Okay?' Jack murmured, raising his head to rub his nose against Ianto's ear.

Ianto nodded then swallowed hard. 'Haven't done that in a while.'

'Gotten off with a man?'

'Come in my pants,' Ianto said. 'Although, you're also correct.'

Jack laughed softly then pressed a soft kiss to the patch of skin behind Ianto's ear before easing back. 'Are you going to have a post-orgasm crisis about your sexual identity?'

Ianto shivered at the loss of warmth as Jack moved away then tugged at his trousers, grimacing at the squishy feeling of cooling come. 'I had my sexual identity crisis several years ago,' he said, bending to pick up the discarded gun. He checked the chamber then brought his arm up fast, discharging the final bullet into the centre of the Weevil target's chest.

Jack stared. 'How...?' He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 'That wasn't a fluke, was it?'

'Suzie gave me basic gun training my first week here. I didn't tell you because you seemed so keen. I like to make you feel useful, sir.' Jack barked out a laugh, and Ianto smirked. 'I'm going to change my pants then clean up in here...'

'No,' Jack said, taking the gun out of Ianto's hand. 'I can clean those later. Right now, we're both going to shower and change then have a late dinner.'

Ianto blinked in surprise then blustered, 'I - er – think tradition dictates that you're supposed to buy me dinner _before_the shag.'

Jack grinned and took Ianto's hand. 'You should know by now, Ianto Jones, that I'm not a traditional kind of guy.'

'No,' Ianto agreed, frowning as Jack led him towards the exit. What did this unusual solicitousness from Jack mean? What was he doing? He should run now, get out before Jack had the chance to confuse him even more, before he had a chance to really get under Ianto's skin.

Jack must have heard something in his voice because he turned and took Ianto's face in his hands. 'Stop over-thinking this,' he said softly. 'I like you, I'm attracted to you, I'd like to do what we just did - and much, much more - with you again, but there is no obligation. This isn't part of your job, Ianto. I need you to want this, too.'

'I... I know. I do.'

Jack trailed his fingers along Ianto's jaw. 'So, shower and dinner then we'll just let whatever is going to happen, happen?'

Ianto hesitated. Jack's approach went against everything he'd ever done in relationships before, went against everything that was intrinsic to his nature - order, organisation, structure. Jack was chaos and mess and the very definition of 'fly by the seat of your pants'. This couldn't be anything but an utter disaster.

And then Jack smiled at him; a soft smile that was so different to his usual beaming grin, one that made Ianto's heart clench dangerously, and he heard himself say, 'Okay,' before the breath was kissed out of him.

_Oh, God_, he thought to himself as Jack's fingers sank into his hair. _Am I really doing this_?

And then he was kissing Jack back and, for that moment, as least, nothing else mattered.

fin.


End file.
